Copyright Infringement
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Johnathan and Xander burgled all the Coach's files and equipment on the swim team's transformation to make sure there wouldn't be anything fishy in their future, but what Johnathan does with the project's gear and a couple of blood samples...
1. Chapter 1

**Copyright Infringement – Point of View**

**AN: I don't own BtVS.**

**(Yet another New Fic by dogbertcarroll and the bastard still isn't finishing stuff!)**

Jonathan had to force himself not to pick at the bandage on his arm. Getting a complete blood transfusion had been quicker than he'd expected and surprisingly painless. Xander and his friends had saved the day and him again. 'They've saved me a lot lately.' Jonathan thought to himself, remembering a number of times something potentially deadly had gone down only to be stopped by the three.

He sighed wistfully, wishing he could be one of them, he was sure being a hero kicked ass, unfortunately Buffy had filled Jesse's old spot before Jonathan could even think of joining them, meaning she got to be a hero like Xander and Willow. 'She makes it look so easy too.' He thought, wondering how much time and effort Buffy put into the training.

Besides, while Jonathan had always wanted to join Xander's clique Willow had the final say in the matter and he doubted she'd put up with another nerd in her territory, he knew his own geek insecurities enough to know that if he had normal friends he'd do his best to be the only geek the group needed.

'Still, I owe him big this time,' he thought to himself, the memory of Xander pulling Buffy out of a pit of mindless black lagoon extras fresh in his mind. 'Death is one thing, but to lose my mind is another thing altogether.' Jonathan shuddered in horror.

"Relax Jonathan, except for a new appreciation for sushi you'll be fine. The docs said there have been no signs of harmful defects although 'Signs of Harmful Defects' sounds like a great name for a rock band," Xander finished thoughtfully.

Jonathan laughed before getting serious, "Well I've always liked tuna fish sandwiches anyway. Listen, I heard a couple of doctors talking about going through the coach's stuff to figure out how he did all this."

"I'm guessing from your tone of voice that's not a good thing."

"If they were looking for a cure in case something goes wrong with us it would be, but they were talking about duplicating his work and how much easier life would be if their supervisor grew gills and vanished."

Xander frowned. "Seriously?"

Jonathan nodded. "I was half asleep and they thought I was completely out of it, they might have been joking but …"

"We need to take care of it just in case," Xander finished.

"Yeah, and since we were on the swim team we can walk right in claiming we're cleaning out our lockers if anyone asks. It's probably just a matter of dumping some chemicals and deleting some files, but the sooner we get it done the better."

"Good plan," Xander agreed, "we'd best do that quickly before anyone gets a chance to copy his work."

"The trick is going to be figuring out what we've got to delete," Jonathan said. "If we delete everything they'll know something's up, but if we just pick the bits that took a lot of time and money to figure out they won't look for them until it's too late to figure out what happened to them."

"We'll also have to hit his house," Xander pointed out, "because I doubt he kept everything at school."

Jonathan groaned. "I know nothing about breaking and entering."

"Aww come on, it'll be fun," Xander said in his best Bugsy Malone voice, "we'll toss his office, burgle his house and then knock over a bank, see?"

Jonathan chuckled. "We should hit his office today, but I'm still feeling weak so maybe we can put off his house until tomorrow night?"

Xander nodded. "Yeah, probably a good idea, the last thing we need is to pass out in the middle of committing a felony."

**0oOo0**

To Jonathan's surprise almost everything went smoothly, the coach's files were in Russian and Xander had said to give him a minute and had gone and gotten a Russian to English dictionary, which had made choosing what to delete a snap. Jonathan had gotten copies of all the files about the transformation and its effects, just to go over and make sure there were no hidden surprises for them later. The specially created drugs that were responsible for the transformation went into the pit where the coach had died, leaving empty containers wiped of prints.

Even doing that little had left them wiped, which wasn't a big surprise, after all a full blood transfusion was hard on the body, especially when you take into account the sudden absence of whatever cocktail the coach had been doping them with that gave them the energy for the change.

They'd had a good piece of luck when Xander had found the keys to the coach's house along with his wallet. Apparently the track suit the coach habitually wore didn't have pockets so he'd left them in the desk in his office.

They'd meant to hit the coach's house the next day, but they both slept from Friday night until Sunday evening and woke up feeling better than they had any right to. Jonathan had pointed that out worriedly and the two of them had tackled the coach's house with renewed energy while Oz kept lookout.

After an hour of going through endless gigs of Russian data with words not in their translation dictionary, Xander and Jonathan had simply started moving boxes of discs and files out to Oz's van. The switch from a simple B&E into what practically amounted to stripping the house of 90% of its contents barely rated a raised eyebrow from the musician as they ended up making five trips once they discovered all the equipment in the garage.

Jonathan was still wondering how he was going to explain the lab equipment and three man sized fish tanks in the garage to his parents when they finished.

"This is going to take months to decipher and go through," Jonathan warned. "I'm going to have to learn Russian while I work at it, so figure sometime around after Christmas at worst or around Homecoming at best."

Xander shrugged. "No hurry, as long as this keeps the local whack jobs from trying to remake classic monster movies with our native Sunnydalers as cast members I'll be happy."

"So foreigners are ok?" Jonathan joked.

"Depends," Xander said thoughtfully, "if it's the French could you really tell? From frog to fishman isn't really a stretch."

"I'm sensing some hostility here."

"They invited mimes, the assassin of clowns," Xander said firmly, "they're evil."

Jonathan who'd been at Xander's seventh birthday party and remembered the incident that caused his clown phobia nodded wisely. "Agreed, I'll keep the coach's work from mutating anyone but the French."

The two shared a laugh before Jonathan said, "Seriously I should have some answers before anything can go wrong with us, especially if the doctors were right about us just needing a transfusion. I'll keep you in the loop."

"Thanks," Xander said, "but don't kill yourself doing it, that kind of defeats the purpose."

"Gotcha," Jonathan agreed, waving to Xander as he left.

**0oOo0**

Homecoming came and went before Jonathan had any results to report, just as he'd estimated.

"Hey Xander," Jonathan said cheerfully but a little nervously as he entered the library. "I've got some good news and some more good news, which do you want to hear first?"

Xander grinned. "Tough choice but I'm going to have to go with the good news."

"The blood transfusion did the trick, we'll be able to stay under water a lot longer than anyone else, but we aren't going to be growing gills, additionally our blood doesn't freeze thanks to a unique protein in it normally found in fish who live underneath the icecaps."

"A trait that really comes in handy when you live in sunny California," Xander said mock seriously.

Jonathan chuckled, his nervousness forgotten. "I think we can actually be frozen and revived without much trouble since we have a much lower freezing point than water, but cryogenic suspension aside, the Russian super soldier program makes pulling a Steve Rogers possible."

"Cruel, cruel irony," Xander said as the two laughed about the fact they could be frozen and revived, but didn't get the many perks Captain America got. "Well, that's what we get for using a cheap foreign knockoff."

Faith who'd been training with Giles looked at them curiously. "You two were part of a Russian super soldier program?"

"It's Sunnydale," Buffy replied, "expect the weird."

"So what's the more good news?" Xander asked while Cordelia filled Faith in about the swim team incident.

"The more good news is that we are one shot away from completing the program, I even mixed up a batch but I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go through with it."

"What's the difference between how we are now and the completed program?" Xander asked intently.

"Reflexes triple, you no longer need to sleep and you no longer feel fear," Jonathan said excitedly.

Xander had been interested, very interested, but as Jonathan mentioned the last fact Giles spoke up, "Fear keeps us alive, especially around here, fear keeps us from doing things on impulse that shorten our lifespan or embarrass us socially."

"And from the librarian comes wisdom," Xander said with a sigh.

Jonathan nodded disappointedly, seeing the sense in it. "I wasn't sure myself, I mean I'd love to have less fear in my life, but I think the lack of sleep would drive me insane. Too bad we couldn't get the reflex boost without the other two but que sera sera."

"Well now that's out of the way," Buffy said before approaching Jonathan and leaning into him, making sure he got a good close up view of her cleavage, "how do you feel about chocolate?"

Xander shook his head sadly as Buffy bounced away with every penny Jonathan had on him, leaving him holding a box of chocolate bars and wondering what happened.

Faith found the scene hilarious, and her laughter broke the spell Jonathan had been under as he realized what had happened. "Oh well, beats some jock getting my lunch money. Anyone want a bar?" Jonathan asked, feeling that Buffy vamping at him had been worth it.

**0oOo0**

"I think you sold me defective chocolate," Jonathan announced as he entered the library.

Buffy started banging her head on the table.

"My mother thought she was a teenager again and decided to play doctor with me."

Horrified gasps came from several Scoobs.

"No, I mean something much worse than you're thinking."

Confusion met this announcement.

"I was thinking you could be called motherfucker without exaggerating if that's any help," Faith offered.

"That would probably mean more time seeing a shrink, but at least it wouldn't cut short my lifespan the way events actually have. My mother, drugged by Buffy's chocolates, injected me with the final shot," Jonathan waited until the shocked gasps had died away, "your breasts have killed me."

"They're very sorry," she apologized quickly, looking contrite.

"They don't look sorry!" Jonathan declared, sounding a bit upset.

"Look closer," Buffy said, moving closer to Jonathan and practically rubbing his face in them, "are they forgiven?" she breathed in his ear.

Jonathan nodded dumbly as Buffy said, "Good!" then bounced out the door, leaving the dazed Jonathan standing there.

"Wow," Xander said, "now if only the final shot removed the hypnotic effect of breasts."

Faith looked down her shirt. "How come you two never did anything like that?"

"Have you ever tried?" Xander asked.

"Not like B was doing," Faith admitted before eying Xander thoughtfully as Jonathan was still dazed and Giles was too old.

Faith pulled her shirt until it was so tight her breasts looked like they would pop free at any moment, leaned in close to Xander and whispered smokily, "I'd love to have pizza for lunch."

Xander whimpered but kept his eyes on Faith's face. "I'd like to help, but my girlfriend has me by the balls."

"Whipped huh?" Faith replied.

"No, literally," Xander said with a wince.

Faith's eyes darted to where Cordelia's arm vanished under the table.

"Cordelia!" Willow shrieked.

Cordelia rolled her eyes but withdrew her hand.

"You've changed hand lotion," Xander said, making Willow turn bright red.

Jonathan snickered.

"Recovered?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, life is good," he replied.

"I thought you were angsting?" Oz asked.

"That would require a fear of death," Jonathan pointed out. "I just wanted an apology from Buffy's breasts."

Faith tightened her shirt another notch. "Would you buy me a pizza?"

"Be right back, have to get a pizza," he said absently with a smile on his face as he left the library.

"Wow, my breasts rock," Faith declared with a grin. "C'mon girls, lets hit the bank!"

"Once you turn to the dark side of the breast, forever will it dominate your destiny," Xander said in a passable Obi Wan Kenobi imitation.

"You do know that the only person who would have laughed at that joke has left to get Faith a pizza, right?" Cordelia asked archly.

"Not true," Xander retorted, "Oz liked it."

Everyone looked over at Oz who simply raised an eyebrow before turning back to Xander.

"He's laughing on the inside," Xander assured them.

Giles muttered something under his breath and locked himself in his office for some tea and sanity.

**AN: Typing by Godogma as always. Be sure to thank him, because lord knows I don't pay him anything to do it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Copyright Infringement – Chapter 2, Three is Company**

**(Godogma's Note: Yes more continuation of a New Fic, isn't he a bastard?)**

Jonathan listened to an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in the background while he examined his work.

After he'd gotten injected with the final shot of the Russian super soldier program, his life had completely turned around. He hadn't become one of the popular people or any less of a nerd, but he was no longer picked on for it.

Having reflexes three times the speed of most people had made up for his lack of fighting skills and since he had no fear, he had no problem taking on anyone who wanted to pick on him regardless of size. Of course, all of this didn't make him any less of a geek, but it did make him one you didn't want to mess with, unless of course you enjoyed being embarrassed in public.

He liked to think it made him a little more like Xander, but he knew his courage was false courage, you couldn't be brave if you felt no fear, he'd read that in a Superman comic.

He knew he had a mild case of hero worship towards Xander, but in his mind it was completely justified.

Even before he'd saved Jonathan from a face far worse than death, he'd stood up for him. Xander made a habit of distracting bullies from picking on others, and now Jonathan could do the same, unimpeded by the crippling fear he used to experience in those situations. A fear Xander had faced and overcome to help people just like Jonathan numerous times.

Yeah, as far as Jonathan was concerned a little hero worship was completely justified.

Jonathan would have liked to have been more involved in Xander's group, but his lack of fear meant he was more likely to take risks that would get him killed, so he had to be satisfied with helping research and with translations, far away from the fight.

The fact that Faith occasionally rubbed her breasts in his face to get him to buy her lunch made being fray adjacent a very nice place to be.

Examining the three tanks, he couldn't help but ask, "They're going to kill me aren't they?"

Three monitors labeled Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles flicked on.

Blossom: Nah, but a severe beating is likely.

Bubbles: I'd wear body armor when introducing us.

Buttercup: And a helmet, seriously.

Jonathan nodded and started looking for something that would work.

**0oOo0**

Xander was helping clean up the library along with the rest of the Scoobs when the doors opened and in walked a very short Darth Vader and three Storm Troopers. Cordelia actually stopped filing her nails to examine the four.

Darth Vader spoke up, a voice changer making him sound like the original, "The outfits are to prevent confusion and hopefully reduce the amount of bruises I'll be receiving."

The three storm troopers' giggling was slightly muffled by their helmets.

The shortest storm trooper, half a head shorter than Darth even stepped forward and took off her helmet, shaking out a head of bright red hair and revealing a familiar face. "Hi, I'm Blossom!"

There was a series of half hearted waves as everyone tried to figure out why she looked so much like Willow.

The second storm trooper stepped forward and took off her helmet, combing her fingers through her light brown hair. "I'm Bubbles," she introduced herself with a grin on a face very similar to Buffy's.

The wave given by the shocked Scoobs was barely noticeable.

The final storm trooper stepped forward and removed her helmet, her dark hair in a single braid that fell down her back. "You may call me Buttercup," said the girl who looked a lot like Cordelia.

"Professor Utonium?" Xander asked skeptically.

"You may call me Jonathan," Darth said, not making any move to remove any part of his armor, or even his helmet while the girls started taking theirs off.

"You created three perfect little girls?" Xander asked cautiously.

"Not so little." Bubbles smirked and bounced on her heels, drawing everyone's eyes to her chest.

"Though you got the perfect part right," Buttercup added.

Blossom sniffed. "I hope that was a quote and not a comment on my size for your sake, Xan."

"Oh my god," Willow suddenly burst in before Xander could reply, "you were serious?"

Darth nodded. "And you three agreed, though I'm sure you thought I was joking."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at the black masked figure. "You cloned me?"

Bubbles chuckled. "He said he was going to use your DNA to create super woman if he could figure out how. Clones would mean we were exactly the same, you are NOT super woman."

"I'm the Slayer," Buffy argued, "that's kind of like super woman."

Blossom rolled her eyes. "Being the Slayer isn't genetic, so an exact clone of you wouldn't have your powers."

"So he altered your DNA to give you powers and that's why you look different?" Buffy asked curiously.

Bubbles shook her head. "Our looks are 100% …" she trailed off and glanced over at the other two for a moment, "mine are 100% unaltered."

"But you don't look exactly like me," Buffy argued, "you're taller, your nose is more round and you're at least a cup size up on me!"

Bubbles grinned. "This is how you'd look if you hadn't spent all that time dieting and stopped bleaching your hair."

"What about the nose?" Buffy growled, once again comparing her California Blonde look to Bubbles and her girl next door style with a plain black t-shirt and jeans that she saw Xander admiring.

"Remember when we broke it when we were 12? Dad had them work on it while straightening it because of something we said while we were half under the gas."

"We?"

"Sorry, I got all your memories up till a couple of hours ago when we were finished."

"I knew you had work done!" Cordy accused.

Buttercup smirked. "And I had our cheekbones lifted and changed our eyes to ice blue like we always wanted."

Cordelia examined Buttercup closely and nodded. "I knew we'd look good like that."

Buttercup nodded and took a seat next to Cordelia who passed her the fingernail polish so she could do her nails.

"And so you're me?" Willow asked doubtfully.

Blossom shook her head. "I'm most definitely not you, I'm my own person."

Willow nodded. "I mean you were made from me."

"Yeah, and like with Buffy nature vs nurture comes into play. Sheila and Ira didn't want us to be excluded from our peer group because of our small size, so they arranged for some hormonal supplements, I had Darth here make sure not to do that, but just for kicks I did have him make my features a little more pointed to embrace the pixie look."

"How did you find out about the hormonal therapy, and why the differences?" Willow asked.

"Computers are an open book to us, we have mad skills," She smirked, "as for the looks, the last thing I want is for the guy I'm dating to call out your name during sex. Plus psychologically it's better to differentiate between us all from the start to prevent confusion."

Willow blushed but the others chuckled at the pixie.

"You aren't in love with Angel are you?" Buffy asked Bubbles. "I mean you have my memories so ..."

"No offense," Bubbles said with a grimace, "but you REALLY don't want any of our opinions on vampires."

"Angel has a soul," Buffy quickly pointed out indignantly, "he's a good guy!"

"Yeah but that doesn't change what he physically is," Blossom broke in, "seriously, let it go. Bubbles has your memories, but we all have different feelings about practically everything than you guys."

"But if you have our memories shouldn't you feel the same?" Buffy asked.

Buttercup spoke up from where she and Cordy were painting her nails, "We discuss things in far more detail than you three do, since we've had nothing to do but talk while floating around in the tanks growing and we can share full sense memories, so we changed rapidly from being copies into completely different people."

"Telepathy?" Willow asked excitedly.

"Wireless modem." Blossom snickered at everyone's confused looks. "Darth, you're up!"

Jonathan removed his helmet. "I said I'd use your DNA to create super woman, the coach was brilliant or whoever came up with the data he used was. The project was closer to alchemy than science and at least half the data we snagged was on blending living tissue with technology, they didn't have the technology back then to make it worthwhile, but I have a friend named Warren whose uncle was a genius in the field of robotics."

"You guys met his android, Ted, the psycho fifties dad," Blossom interrupted.

"When Ted was declared dead, all his stuff was given to Warren's dad who had no interest in it and gave it to Warren," Buttercup added.

"Of course the first thing he did was start working on a robot girlfriend," Bubbles said, "his designs were far superior to his uncles, but then he does have fifty years of technological advances to factor in."

"You're robots?" Giles asked worriedly.

Buttercup rolled her eyes. "Cyborgs! As in humans with high tech add-ons."

"Stronger, faster, smarter than the originals," Bubbles teased.

"Stronger and faster?" Buffy smirked. "I don't think so."

Blossom grinned. "How about a quick demonstration by cleaning up this mess?"

Bubbles and Blossom looked over at Buttercup.

"My nails are drying..."

Blossom rolled her eyes and the two went to work standing bookcases up that anyone short of Buffy would have needed help to move and re-shelving books in a blur.

In less than five minutes the two had managed to get as much done as the Scoobs had in the last hour.

"Tada!" Bubbles said with a grin.

"That's faster than I could have done it," Buffy admitted, "but that doesn't mean stronger."

Buffy locked eyes with Bubbles and took a seat at the table, holding her arm up in the classic arm wrestling position.

Everyone gathered around the two.

"Begin," Jonathan said.

After a minute Buffy slowly began to force Bubbles' arm down, regardless of Bubbles' attempts to stop it.

"You win," Bubbles said reluctantly, releasing Buffy's hand and massaging her wrist.

"Slayer and still champion!" Buffy teased Bubbles laughing good naturedly.

"Told ya so," Buttercup said, blowing on her nails.

"Still pretty friggin amazing," Xander said.

Bubbles beamed at him. "Thanks Xan!"

Xander found himself smiling back. It'd been a bit since he'd had anyone smile at him that way.

"I'm invoking best friend privilege," Blossom began and paused, "ok I'm invoking clone of best friend privilege," walking over to Xander she took his hand, "breakfast" she begged, and gave him the puppy dog eyes treatment which was quickly mirrored by Bubbles.

"Sure," Xander agreed readily as the two girls drug him out the door.

Faith dodged the three going out as she entered the library. "What's with X and the girls in black?"

"I made superhuman versions of Buffy, Cordelia and Willow," Jonathan explained, "faster and smarter, but apparently not stronger than a Slayer."

"Let's just say wiser and better educated," Buttercup spoke up, "smarter is actually harder to define and causes hurt feelings. Wiser because we three have spent a lot of time figuring out things we did wrong as the originals, and better educated because we can share knowledge not to mention having photographic memories."

"Cool! Why didn't you make one of me," Faith demanded.

"You want me to make you a sister?" Jonathan asked.

"Yeah, it'd be great to have a sister," Faith said with a little smile on her face, clearly thinking of something in her past before suddenly clearing her throat and becoming the tough girl everyone was used to again.

"Have to be at least two of them," Buttercup spoke up, "because floating around in the tank with no one to talk to would drive anyone nuts, and we'll have to make sure and talk with them while they're growing so they don't get bored."

"Three Faiths?" Willow asked, not sounding all that enthused.

"One Faith, one Hope, one Charity," Buttercup corrected, "and more than likely they'll chose at least a couple of mods so they won't be identical, we're enough like the originals that we need to avoid setting off any identity crises."

"Aww," Faith pouted, "I was thinking it'd be cool havin' twins."

Buttercup sighed. "Then they will too. We might as well just give you your own modem cause it sounds more like you'd go out of your way to stay as alike as possible."

"Modem?" asked Faith.

"Electronic telepathy."

Faith grinned, obviously pleased with the thought.

Jonathan nodded, "I can handle two more and give Faith a modem, but I'm tapped out after that and we'll have to get more parts so we can repair the girls in case they get injured."

"Blossom has half a dozen ideas on how to legally make money that should work, and if not we have a couple dozen illegal ones that will."

"You can't go around committing crimes!" Willow protested just a few seconds ahead of Buffy.

"Please," Buttercup rolls her eyes, "I can point out dozens of crimes you two are guilty of, there's a big difference between legal and moral. I care far more that my actions are moral than that they are legal."

Oz nodded. "Trespassing, breaking and entering, concealed weapons, detonation of military ordinance in a public area, theft of military ordinance, impersonating a member of the US Military, assault and battery, attempted murder, murder, public nudity, arson, and that's all without involving the laws involving corpses and that's ignoring the fact I should have a set of dog tags three nights a month."

Jonathan nodded. "In the average month the Scoobs commit enough crimes to be sentenced to life without parole, but their actions are moral."

"Exactly," Buttercup said, "I'd rather be number one on the ten most wanted list than a law abiding citizen in Germany during WWII."

"Well … not much we can say to that," Buffy replied.

**Authors Note: Typing by Godogma, typos by dogbertcarroll.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Copyright Infringement – Chapter 3**

**(Yet more on this new fic … grrr.)**

"So," Xander began but trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah, small talk is going to be a bit awkward," Blossom replied.

"Well it's kind of like we're alternate versions of Buffy and Willow, but we split off an hour ago and went on a wild adventure that made us reassess everything we ever knew and now we've come home before we left so our old unenlightened selves are still here," Bubbles said.

The three fell silent as they considered this.

"But I so don't want to take responsibility for all the stupid things I did when I was Buffy," Bubbles admitted.

"And yet we still want the credit for all the good things we did," Blossom added, "kinda selfish but we are only human in the end."

"Sorry, but I refuse any attachment to the whole corpse loving deal. The only way I'm going to touch a vamp is with violence in mind," Bubbles declared firmly.

"So I can insult Angel and wish bad things would happen to him and no one will mind," Xander asked hopefully.

"We'll even help imagine bad things with you," Bubbles offered with a grin, "seems kinda redundant with him having spent a century in hell with hot coals under his skin though."

Xander winced. "Which I was partially responsible for," he admitted.

Bubbles sighed. "Your choice wasn't him or the world, because by the time there was a choice to make it was already too late, the choice was the world or nothing, fighting as hard as she could Buffy still didn't manage to keep him from opening the portal."

They pulled into the parking lot of the Waffle House and as he shut off the ignition he was suddenly hugged from the side and behind.

"You made the right choice," Bubbles assured him, "the fact you were jealous of him and wanted to date Buffy doesn't in the least affect that, except to make you feel bad because you can't be sure your motives were pure."

Xander relaxed a little. "It still caused someone I care for a lot of pain, and I don't like the thought that I might have been motivated at least partly by jealousy."

"If you'd known Harmony had been dating Mr. Brentwood last year what would you have done," Blossom asked.

"He's like 26!" Xander exclaimed. "He should be arrested!"

"But you don't even like Harmony," Bubbles pointed out.

"And if rumors are to be believed, she's rather easy," Blossom added.

Xander took a deep breath then paused and let it out. "Harmony never dated him did she, this was to show that I would be pissed at older men taking advantage of young women regardless of whether I was attracted to them or even liked them."

"Yep," the two chorused with a grin.

"What about young men with older women?" Bubbles suddenly asked suspiciously, recalling Xander drooling over Joyce and Jana.

"Like say Joyce and Jana?" Blossom asked archly, obviously thinking the same thing.

Xander got a far off look in his eye and a funny little smile. "Joyce AND Jana," he murmured unwisely.

"Xander!" the two chorused, letting go of him and smacking him in the shoulders.

"Ah! Slayer … err … cyborg or super strength?" he asked calmly.

"Super," the two replied.

"No need to let anyone the source of our strength in case it gives them an edge," Blossom pointed out.

"Gotcha," Xander agreed before taking a deep breath and exclaiming, "super strength, super strength!" and rubbing his shoulders like he was injured.

"So basically, don't feel guilty over the whole deal with Angel, besides being right you were also reacting with the proper distaste for an older man taking advantage of a young girl."

"Do feel guilty over your chauvinism and stop fantasizing about my mom!" Bubbles ordered.

"But don't ever change," the two ordered, hugging him once more.

"K …" Xander said, happy but a bit confused.

**0oOo0**

"So, how long till I've got sisters?" Faith asked excitedly.

"Well, I've gotten some experience creating the girls so I can have them up and running in a week to ten days, if the girls help out," Jonathan offered.

"We'll help," Buttercup promised, "but Blossom will be installing the modem in Faith as she's got the most dexterity and speed of the three of us. If we put Faith into one of the tanks it'll heal the incisions over night and speed up the other two's development."

"How do you figure?" Jonathan asked.

"Sympathetic magic," she reminded him, "since they actually want to be the same this will enhance that. I figure, tonight we get everything together, Blossom installs Faith's modem and we put in the middle tank, enhancing the development of Hope and Charity. We'll keep one of us there at all times to keep them from getting bored waiting to be done, I figure three days tops and that's including teaching Faith how to use the modem."

"I gotta float in a tank for three days?" Faith asked.

"No, just for twelve hours a day," Buttercup corrected, "and the majority of that time will be spent sleeping."

"Cool," Faith grinned.

**0oOo0**

"So … you guys have all their memories and still want to hang with me?" Xander asked. "The originals don't."

"All the memories, and shared them between the three of us," Blossom pointed out, taking a sip of orange juice.

Xander winced. "I can't see how adding Cordelia's memories would really help matters."

"And yet it does," Bubbles said, "having the complete picture always helps."

"Is Buttercup as pissed as me as Cordy?" Xander asked tentatively, not sure if he wanted to know.

"No, she stayed behind to make sure Jonathan didn't too banged up," Blossom said.

"How is it you three are ok with me when the originals aren't?"

"We've had more time to think it over than they have, since we think faster and have better ways of communicating; the fact that you'd risk your life to save us far outweighs the fact that you are a male Harmony," Bubbles assured him.

Xander started to protest but stopped and thought about it, "I'm not that big of a bitch … err … bastard."

"Of course not, we just mean you're as easy as she is," Blossom said in between bites of pancake.

"I turned down everyone during the love spell, including Buffy in just a trench coat and Willow in just one of my shirts, in my bed," Xander pointed out.

"And you resisted Willow for a while during the fluke before caving," Blossom agreed, filching one of his sausages.

"So better than Harmony, but still a complete round heels for any female Scooby," Bubbles said, pouring more syrup on her pancakes.

Xander thought about his actions. "I'm a bad, bad boy," he said in a cartoonish little boy's voice.

The girls snickered.

**0oOo0**

Buttercup spoke up, "Blossom said she'll be able to work with you tonight, she thinks the three virtues terrorizing the demon population of Sunnydale is a blast, but that means me and Bubbles have to make a trip to LA today as we'll have to up our schedule a little."

"She sure doesn't sound like me," Willow muttered, as the idea of Faith and her sisters being called the three virtues was being batted around.

"What schedule?" Buffy asked.

"All we have right now is the clothes on our backs, so we need money to get what we need, Blossom has a couple of legal ways we can make some cash, but we need to hit LA for that. Not to mention they have a much better shoe selection there," Buttercup grinned.

"Shoes?" Cordelia perked up.

"Xander's driving us," Buttercup replied.

"Why would you want to spend time with that bastard?" Cordelia practically snarled.

Buttercup rolled her eyes. "I have all your memories and you've done much worse things than he has to the boys you've dated, and you never saved their lives at the risk of your own."

Willow was about to speak up when Buttercup announced, "I have the memories of all three female Scoobs about the whole incident. None of us agree with your actions or responses, so don't expect us to back you up on them. The fact that he's completely incapable of saying no to a female Scoob isn't something we see as a bad thing."

"Can't say no?" Faith asked curiously.

"Pretty much, it also applies to the male Scoobies, I'm sure Giles has asked Xander to do tons of things he hated, but he did them anyway because it was Giles asking," Buttercup explained, "the only thing he can't do is let a friend die or stop hunting."

"We got Xander to stop hunting," Buffy said proudly, "last night he was completely fray adjacent."

Faith laughed. "Last night X nailed one of the blue bitches with his car saving my ass, he never mentioned it?"

"He never said a word," Willow groaned. "We were going on about how glad we were that he wasn't there because it was so dangerous and all he said was he had a quiet night."

"Really?" Faith asked, trying to sound casual.

"Yeah," Buffy huffed, not noticing the small smile Faith developed at her responses.

Buttercup got up and walked out of the library just as Blossom entered.

"Sadly, being a Slayer does not give you the right to order anyone around," Blossom said, taking Buttercup's seat.

"It does where demons are involved," Buffy protested.

Blossom snickered. "Not legally or morally, you only have the right to order around the people under your banner, you pushed Xander out meaning he's no longer under your banner."

"Then what do I do?"

"Nothing you can do," Blossom shrugged.

"You know you're pretty darn unconcerned for a clone of me," Willow said, "I thought you'd at least care a little about him."

"I care a LOT about him, and I'm completely unconcerned because I already know what we're going to do," Blossom said, "we're going to march under his banner and kill demons."

"WHAT?" screeched three of the girls.

"You heard me," Blossom replied, completely unconcerned.

"You're stealing our Xander!" Buffy accused.

Blossom shook her head. "You threw your Xander away, and as was mentioned earlier we are a lot wiser than you, so all I have to say is yoink!"

Faith laughed at Buffy's dumbfounded expression.

Blossom smiled. "Jonathan, Faith if you're ready we can start work now, since we moved up the schedule a bit to have a place ready for the virtues we might as well get them ready for it."

"A place?" Faith asked.

"Yeah, ain't no way one of our sisters is staying where you are, and once the modem is in, you'll be considered one of our sisters, we look after our own," Blossom declared firmly.

"What's the rent like?" Faith asked, trying to sound casual.

Blossom grinned. "One dead vamp a week, move in costs are helping us clear the place out."

"Got a place in mind?" Faith asked, feeling a lot better about this deal, since it sounded like they needed her and it was right up her alley.

"Got half a dozen," Blossom beamed, "and that's if you don't want a place just for you and your sister virtues, we can go either way or simply do both. Thanks to the demons, property around here is cheap."

"I'll get the storm trooper sets later," Jonathan told Giles, who'd been calmly taking everything in as he really didn't feel that he had anything to contribute to the conversation, save for the fact it was giving him a headache.

"Where's Xander?" Buffy demanded. "We need to talk to him."

"Already on the way to LA," Blossom replied cheerfully.

Cordelia looked conflicted while Willow paled and Buffy began to get irate.

"But I need to talk with him!"

"He'll be back in a couple of days," Blossom replied, "you can talk to him then."

"The three of them are going to be alone in LA for a couple of nights?" Cordelia asked.

"Yep, it would have been the four of us, but Faith's idea is just so cool I had to help, besides they'll share their memories with me which is about as good as living it yourself."

Blossom waved Faith and Jonathan out the door while the stunned girls just stared, thoughts filled with what Xander and the clones of Buffy and Cordelia would be doing alone together.

**0oOo0**

"I am so glad you girls look different than the originals," Xander said.

"Really?" Buttercup asked gladly from the back seat as they flew down the highway with the top down.

"Yeah, you look enough like them that I can group you with the original, but look enough different that I won't accidentally call you by the wrong name."

Bubbles lifted up her shirt. "I'm sure these help."

Xander swerved but managed to keep in his lane while the girls laughed.

"You are most definitely not Buffy and that's not a bad thing," Xander said with an ear to ear smile.

"I've seen her life and all the drama and gloom is just her being dramatic," Bubbles declared firmly, "teams of demon hunters either get killed within the first couple of months or last decades, and they don't usually have anyone with the power levels of a Slayer on the team. She likes the drama or she'd never have gotten involved with Deadboy, he's like the drama queen of Sunnydale."

"I never thought of it like that," Xander said as he started running through everything he'd read about demon hunting groups in his head and comparing it to the Slayer stories Buffy kept bitching about. "Makes me wonder why more Slayers didn't join hunting teams."

"The Watchers discouraged it for some reason, probably because the longer a Slayer was in an area the more big names popped up. I mean look at the centuries old vamps and big bads that have come to Sunnydale," Bubbles said, "most hunting groups don't run into more than one or two master vamps a decade."

"I think it's both her and the Hellmouth," Xander decided, "both draw in the big bads, so together the number has got nowhere to go but up. The Watches usually have to run around finding big bads for the slayers to fight but in Sunnydale all you have to do is wait."

"And with two Slayers in place, and a full hunter team in Sunnydale, they've been getting offed left and right," Buttercup pointed out.

"Add Team-X and the Three Virtues and they'll be getting mowed down like grass," Bubbles suggested.

"Team X and the Three Virtues?" Xander asked.

"Buffy has an entire team and pushed you out of it, but this team wants to form around you," Bubbles said, "three perfect big girls and a guy that can't say no to them hunting demons on the Hellmouth."

"You aren't just teasing me are you?" Xander asked somewhat plaintively.

"Not remotely," Buttercup promised, "we deliver."

"I'm in," Xander said with a grin, thinking about living a life that was actually worth something. "Who are the Three Virtues?"

"Blossom's got the best speed and reflexes, especially for the detail work so she's helping Jonathan with the project. Faith wants twin sisters connected to her like we are, so they are going to be named Hope and Charity, hence the three virtues."

Xander grinned. "I think the three are going to play rock paper scissors to decide who gets what name for the day."

The two girls laughed as they realized he was probably right.

**AN: Godogma typed this up for me or you probably wouldn't have seen this for years, if ever.**


End file.
